The Diary of River Song
by GazingAtTheStars
Summary: Ever wonder what was in River Song's mysterious diary? Spoilers. ;) Well, it's not really spoiling much if you AREN'T the Doctor. So if you're the Doctor, STOP NOW. If not, read on!
1. Entry 1

So I'm cosplaying as River, because River completely kicks ass and you can't be River Song without a diary and what kind of diary is blank? So I've been writing all of her adventures with and about the Doctor and I wanted to share them all with you guys! Thanks for taking the time to read them!

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Hello Sweetie,

Yesterday I almost killed you, yet here you are giving me presents. That's so like you, wanting me to talk about you. Remember You. It's almost as if you want me to take a part of you with me wherever I go. I got the feeling from you that you've done this before; that we've done this before.

I haven't known you long, at least not being me; River Song. I would like to take this time to apologize for my younger self trying to kill you. As you know, that's what I was raised to do. I do not really have much else to say on the matter, other than the fact that it wasn't entirely my fault. So, I'm just going to apologize this once. But, if you tell anyone I just might have to kill you this time.

I've realized that you have the tendency to treat me as if we've had a million adventures together. But I've had none with you. Something just doesn't add up between us. I guess that's why you gave me this diary. You were always the clever one. I look forward to our next encounter.

Until then,

Spoilers


	2. Entry 2

Hello Sweetie,

I suppose that while I'm stuck here I should record all that's happened between us. Lord knows what I'll being doing here anyways, might as well keep busy—thinking of you of course. So if there does come a day that you don't know who I am, or I'm long gone and you just want something to remember: here it is.

Hello.

I was born in a different place than most, I was born in the middle of an alien war—a war I realize started over me. I guess I was always this desirable eh, Doctor? Anyways you let me be taken by a crazed psychopath bent on destroying you, so that I could be raised and brainwashed to be a crazed psychopath bent on destroying you. I wished every night for the man in the blue box that everyone was talking about to come and rescue me. That was their first step. Of course you couldn't save me and let me be raised by my actual parents—no, no River. Mustn't think that way.

I regenerated a few times, then finally I got to meet my actual parents, and befriend them so that they could one day introduce me to you. Forgive me for skipping my time before being with my parents, I really don't want to relive it and I don't think you want to read that, it wasn't a good time. I called myself Mels, lucky me I hadn't been born yet and they didn't even realize. Only after I was born did they name me after their childhood best friend—who was me. God we are quite the interesting family of time travellers.

So eventually I got to meet the man that Amy had been raving about for as long as I had known her—the raggedy Doctor. You of course, and Sweetie let me just say that you were everything that I expected and more. And I wanted to end your life. I had been raised to do so after all, and aside from that cute face you had yet to do anything to prove to me otherwise that I shouldn't. So I got you with the lipstick, I'm really a fan of that stuff, it's brilliant really. Who would ever think to be crossed with a kiss? You may frown upon my using poison lipstick all the time, therefore I may switch to something a tad less potent. Anyways, I got a "moral compass" along the way and watching you, my sweet Doctor give his life—for me, for a girl who had successfully killed him.

No it wasn't just for me, that would be ridiculous, I did just try to kill you after all. It was for dear mum and dad. You care so much, and hearing you plead for River to help you, it was really no problem to give up my regenerations to save you. You saved me after all. Not just from the Teselecta, but from myself. God that sounded stupid.

In other news I learned to fly the TARDIS today, it seems odd but I think she likes me. So long story short, I kissed you once more and I ended up with the Sisters of the Infinite Schism. They say that I should be out of here by a week, I don't know where I'll go but I know that it will be where ever and when ever the Doctor is.

Until then,

Spoilers

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Hello friends! Thanks for reading and please review! Tell me what I'm doing right and wrong! Not to mention if I really get facts or order messed up, I could use assistance with that!


	3. Entry 3

Really short one! Just in passing and sort of transitional. Thanks for reading guys!

Hello Sweetie,

The sisters finally let me out of the hospital, I was kept for rather naughty behave that was said to be bad for my health. I'll leave that to your imagination. What happens to Miss River Song now? Well she's off to university. The Luna University in fact. Uni is much more relaxed about accepting people than back in my parents' day. I'm going to study archaeology, just for you my love. No, really, the reason that I want to study archaeology is to find you. Every one of you. I want to know all about you, anytime a doctor or a good man is mentioned in history, I know it will be you. It couldn't not be. So I'm going to learn who you are and what you've done, as well as what you will do. I can't always rely on comparing diaries and ask what you've been up to, oh no I need to do it myself. The good news is that in 5145, most of your adventures have already happened. Don't worry I've been a good girl—well as good a girl as I could ever be, but I'm not peaking at anything that mentions myself, no matter how tempting. So I'm studying to get my PhD. Maybe when we meet again I'll be a doctor too. How exciting will that be?

Until then,

Spoilers.


	4. Entry 4

I'll be honest, this is not the real 4th entry. In my diary 4 is when River identifies all of the Doctor's faces and his companions, but being that that's mostly pictures it really wasn't worth putting up. Thank you for reading loves! Please feel free to review!

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Hello Sweetie,

Goodness, if I had known Asgard really existed outside of Scandinavian mythology I would have asked you to take me here ages ago. Nothing but gorgeous scenery and buff, immortal pretty boys (and girls) as far as the eye can see.

…The Doctor may have been the only one that met all but the first part of that description, actually. Pretty Boy, indeed.

We had a picnic overlooking the Rainbow Bridge. An actual bridge created from a rainbow…or to be more accurate, a prismatic hard-light holographic projection. I couldn't explain on paper just how breathtaking it was if I tried. A perfectly romantic date….only it wasn't romantic at all. Because it was lunch with an acquaintance, full of casual chitchat, a little one-sided flirting (which he didn't even seem to realize), and a lot of dancing around the truth.

To be honest, it's only in my studies that I've seen this spiky-haired, sideburn-sporting face. It's the early days for him — he told me as much —which is something that both excites and terrifies me if I'm being honest.

Because while he still knows my name and he knows where to find me at the university at least, I look into his eyes and see almost nothing except for sadness. That impossible man didn't know who I really was with the baby face (though we understood each other well enough otherwise), but now I get to see the face before, and while he's upbeat and polite (when he's not being rude) a part of me can see that he mostly just comes around looking for answers that I can't give him. One day I will. I must.

Unlit then,  
Spoilers.


	5. Entry 5

Hello Sweetie,

Let me start off by saying how completely sorry I am. I know—you can tell me for a thousand years (and lord knows that you will) that it wasn't my fault and that you didn't actually die, but even still. I killed you. You died at my hand, regardless of it not really being your body and just the Teselecta.

I was so frightened when Madame Kovarian took me from the university. Yet I was comforted with the fact that you will save me. You save everyone, don't you Doctor? So of course I didn't want to kill you. I wanted to be the one to save you. You were so willing to die, to save everyone else, but more importantly to tell me that I was forgiven, always and completely.

Oh I tried my damnedest not to kill you, and look where that ended? A world even worse off then the one without you in it, if that can be imagined. But I was willing. I was willing to let the world suffer for you. Fixed points can be rewritten after all, and I will never feel bad about that. Because I realized how much I loved you. It was in that minute that I really did see how perfect you were. Not just the cute funny sexy boy that occasionally shows up and takes me for a joy ride, but the man who had watched worlds die, had even blown a few up himself. I saw so much more pain in your eyes as you pleaded with me to let you go, and I pleaded right back, to keep you. I knew that I couldn't bear to lose a love that I had just found. The minute that I didn't kill you was because I loved you too much to live in a world without you. I've always been a selfish girl.

It is always so much fun flirting with you, even with time dying around us. I did see the flicker of jealousy when I mentioned President Kennedy. You love yourself a bad girl. I did show a little jealousy myself. You should have seen Cleopatra trying to worm information about you.

I pleaded not just on my behalf, but the behalf of the universe. No one wanted you to go and if you only just opened your ears you could easily hear their shouts. I really would suffer than every living thing in the universe, and maybe you understood that, or maybe you knew it was the only way.

You of course surprised me most of all in that moment, Sweetie. I expected you to ignore my wish, to force me or convince me in some way to kill you. Really we both knew that it wouldn't take much. And it didn't.

You only had to marry me. I knew what was going on as soon as you were untying your bowtie, I am a doctor of archaeology you know, I can recognize most marriage customs, even as outdated as Galiifreyan ones.

That was the sweetest moment of my life. You didn't say that you loved me, you didn't have to. Because I knew. With everything you had you loved me just as I love you. Then you did actually play the trick with the Teselecta and ended up not dying after all. But I was the only one to know that. Your head got to big with everything you had become. You wanted an escape. And I am always more than willing to escape right along with you. Especially now that I am in the "most highly secure prison in all of time and space." I dare them to keep me in. And more importantly, I dare you to take me out.

Until then,

Spoilers

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This is the last entry I have written currently! But thanks for reading so far and I'll post the next fews as soon as I can. (They're not actually based off of episodes, but meetings that River and the Doctor had while she was in Stormcage, so I need to figure out what happens with Jim the Fish and Easter Island!)


	6. Entry 6

Hey guys! This was inspired by the shorts "First Night" and "Last Night." Both of which can be found on youtube if you haven't seen them! Thanks for reading! Please review!

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Hello Sweetie,

I hadn't even finished writing my last diary entry when you came floating in with your box to take me out on said joyrides mentioned previously. Ive barely been in prison for a whole day and you come and pick me up, just as you've promised. Look you have me rambling, just as you do. We really are quite alike.

Anyways, tonight you've taken me to Calverion Beta, the most wonderful of our dates yet. (Although I can bet you wouldn't want to call them dates, would you sweetie?) You took me to the top of a 400 foot tree to see the most beautiful night sky that either of us has ever witnessed.

I will never be telling you this personally, but I do sort of love it when you try to play dress up with me. Even though I did think the dress you chose was way to much, I almost wore it just for your benefit. But you know how much I love to dress myself up for you, which is why I was happy to find something that would make your eyes bulge, as well as something else.

This was a fun you, you were so fine with my flirting and even flirting right back, something I'm not entirely used to all of the time. You knew as soon as I got in the old girl that I wouldn't be doing any book reading by the stars.

You wanted to seem so smart too and tell me all about the diary, as if I hadn't been using it like that before, I knew exactly what I was doing with it Sweetie. I've just been telling it how much I love you all the time.

Then of course you had the nerve to bring another woman on the TARDIS while I was changing! I was so mad at you! As if I would be willing to share you? You don't know me well enough Sweetie. Of course if I had to share with another you… well my mind is still racing.

You were being perfectly sweet, even then as I was still mad at you, but as we know, I can never stay mad at you for long. Not when you smile at me like that, with all that love in your eyes. Telling me spoilers because I can't know why the other you was here, oh Doctor I went weak in the knees. You'll be the death of me.

Of course then we actually got to Calverion Beta, and it was the most perfect night. Sitting atop on of the largest trees I could imagine with you, looking up at a brilliant night sky, well I was sure I had died and gone to heaven. But then, I always feel that way around you. You held me so tightly, all on your own accord. I didn't have to flirt or coax you into doing it. It seemed like you just needed to feel me close, and I was happy to be in your embrace. We danced under the stars. It was absolutely perfect. I figure it was just our wedding reception. We didn't need anyone else there to make it special, even though I would have liked a proper one. We danced for hours, I never figured you for a dancer, but then should I really be surprised? All of the running and moving about that you like to do, dancing just came naturally. Then we got to the other embrace and well, I don't want to say much to make you look indecent, but I will certainly be waiting for the next time that will occur.

Until then,

Spoilers


	7. Entry 7

Alright, I'll be really interested to know what you think of this one! It's my take on Jim the Fish! Keep in mind that this was just what popped into my head and Jim the Fish is totally up to interpretation until we get an episode! Thanks for reading and feel free to review!

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Hello Sweetie,

Well I didn't have to wait long for another adventure, only a few months. And you were older! So therefore even you remembered our last adventure, and I didn't have to be quite as careful around you. You brought me to a planet that's rather hard to spell, it's just a series of clicks and honestly your bowtie was just too enticing today to really pay attention to anything that you were saying. I was just busy thinking, well rather bad things.

So we flirted and played and oddly, went to a wedding. A wedding for a man named Jim the Fish. But as it seems whenever we go anywhere, nothing was as simple as happily ever after. Jim the Fish was to marry a girl named Lisa. I'm not exactly sure why Jim the Fish is called Jim the Fish, being that he neither is a fish, nor a human to have such a human name. Lisa as well for that matter. I guess both names are considered exotic or something.

I digress. The wedding of Jim the Fish and Lisa was the beginning of the war. They were a typical Romeo and Juliet, both coming from the best of feuding sides, her from above ground and he from the water. Her people were polluting his people's land and neither side wanted to deal with it peacefully. Both believing that the only option was to exterminate the other side.

You would have none of that. Upon meeting Jim the Fish you knew immediately that you would step in and make sure that he got to marry the woman of his dreams. Most wouldn't figure you to be the romantic type, but most aren't married to you. Jim the Fish was more than just creating peace on a planet, it was getting those two their happily ever after. That just means the world to me, Sweetie, you have no idea.

Jim the Fish initially seemed to be the only man on the planet with the idea of not fighting. Instead of gearing up for war, he deserted and instead went to go build a dam in the no-man's land between the two races. It was there that he met the run away grounder, Lisa. It was at the dam that they fell in love. And it was there that we met them and you jumped into action.

So you did what you did best, and talked it out with each race, standing right in the middle of the battlefield. You managed to bring the leaders of each side to the front line and make then talk out their differences. And that was all either side needed. The grounders promised to stop polluting the section that the waters were inhabiting, and the waters wouldn't take any more anymore of the grounders prisoner.

So another planet was saved, thanks to you. And you were invited to be the maid of honor for Lisa! Oh Doctor I will never let that go. I especially won't let the fact go that you accepted! Weddings for this planet though are a tad different than Time Lord ones, or earth ones for that matter. But the one thing that always remains the same? Dancing. I want to keep dancing with you forever. Always and completely.

Until then,

Spoilers

PS the most interesting part of their wedding ceremony for me will always be the dam building, if that's not irony I don't know what is.


	8. Entry 8

Hey guys! So this is just a composition of rules found all over the Whoverse as well as some fun ones I found on tumblr and wanted to include! Thanks for reading!

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Hello Sweetie,

I've created some rules that I think will be helpful for any of those girls that you like to bring around in the TARDIS. I have borrowed some from you, of course, but some are my own.

Rule #1—The Doctor lies

Rule #2—Don't wander off

Rule #3—the Doctor must never look in the book.

Rule #4—Don't blink

Rule #5—Gambling for anything less than ten quid is an abuse of your time travelling privileges. Anything over that is fine.

Rule #6—Always take a banana to a party

Rule #7—Never run when you're scared.

Rule #8—Never ignore a coincidence, unless you're busy. Then always avoid a coincidence.

Rule #9—Don't talk to him when he's angry. (Unless you're also angry)

Rule #10—Don't eat anything until you're sure it's totally safe, unless it's a badly cooked Kronkburger—in that case don't eat it at all.

Rule #11—Run.

Rule #15—never let him see that you're not okay.

Rule #16—Always stay out of trouble (oops)

Rule #23—never let him see you age.

Rule #27—never knowingly be serious.

Rule #29—Never put the Doctor in a trap.

Rule #38—never be afraid to show off a little

Rule #43—Do exactly as the Doctor says (Debatable)

Rule #45—Stick close to the Doctor (Closer than he says, not nearly as close as he wants)

Rule #46—Let him do all the talking (Debatable)

Rule #54— Pack light—really all you need is a change of clothes, a sonic screw driver, and a towel.

Rule #57—Anything can come from outside of the universe, but nothing can come from before the universe

Rule #65—Six words can bring down a whole government

Rule #69—Biting is like kissing, only there's a winner. (He's got that right.)

Rule #71—He's not in charge

Rule #72—He's not the professor, he's the Doctor (I'm the professor obviously)

Rule #84—show tunes are key

Rule #98—Time isn't linear. It's a big mess.

Rule #102—If he doesn't think something makes sense, he'll poke it with a stick

Rule #103—or lick it.

Rule 268—A person should never forgo a hand to hold when they have been crying

Rule #295—No second chances

Rule #328—The Doctor is worth the monsters.

Rule #400—You should always waste time when you don't have any.

Rule #408—Time is not the boss of you

These shall always be referenced if needed—I know I needed them at first. And second, and every time after that.

Until then,

Spoilers


	9. Entry 9

Alright, this was based off of a throw-away line from "The Impossible Astronaut" about Easter Island. Enjoy!

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Hello Sweetie,

Well our latest meeting wasn't so much of a romantic getaway that the last two have been. Really the only reason I even met up with you was because I was terrible bored. But that's what I get for not seeing you for a year three months and fifteen days, not that I've been counting.

Anyways thanks to some confusing and very frowned upon timeline crossing, I now have a vortex manipulator in perfect working condition, that makes it very easy to slip out of a highly secure prison, with the help of some hallucinogenic lipstick of course.

So I have all of time and space at my finger tips and where do I go? Earth. I really am the Doctor's wife. But unlike you Sweetie, I didn't want to frequent the 21st century, just in case you caught me and scolded me until I went back to Storm cage. I wouldn't have minded a quick spanking though.

But I decided being the good archaeologist that I am, to go explore one of the most ancient and mysterious people: the Rapa Nui of Easter Island. And there, well really I wanted to figure out the mystery of their statues. Obviously I thought it had to be something alien in nature and I thought hey, maybe I was that alien.

Things just never seem to turn out quite the way that we want them to though, the leader of the Rapa Nui fancied himself to be something of a god. And with that thought of his he commanded his people to dig into the ground and ran into a colony of Silurians who as you can imagine, were angered from being awoken from slumber yada yada yada destroy the humans. That's where I tried to step in. I tried to play Doctor and talk it out, but talking worked less and I ran out of options. So while I was running I took a nasty blow to the side, I'm not exactly sure by which party and the only thing I could do was wish extremely hard that you were here.

Then out of the sky you fell in your magnificent blue box. You sent the Silurians back to hibernation with barely a flick of your wrist and the Rapa Nui started bowing and praising you, then they start carving rocks to look like your face (much to your dismay) and boom, you're the reason for the mysterious statues. Of course you're the alien. Aren't you always?

At that point I was still bleeding from my stomach a lot and you did one of the stupidest thing possible, you used some of your regeneration energy to heal me. I swear if I wasn't so delirious from the pain and blood loss I would have slapped you.

When I woke up finally, you asked a rather odd thing of me. You asked why I didn't use my gun. I don't have one obviously, I know enough about you to know that you hate guns. And as much as I love to poke fun at you for some things, I do occasionally abide by your rules. Then you asked me to get a gun. You would rather I protect myself if I got into situations like that again than potentially hurting another species. It's just another example of how much you love me. You want me to break your rules. And trust me, I'll keep breaking them.

Until then,

Spoilers


	10. Entry 10

Alright, really throw-away, based on the short "Last Night" but this is the other River's point of view. Enjoy!

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Hello Sweetie,

I finally figured out the voice that was talking to you when we first went to Calverion Beta, it was me! Can you believe it? Apparently as I was dealing with some Sontarans I managed to end up back at Calverion Beta and ran into the wrong TARDIS! Well mix-ups do happen. And you did love seeing me in a jealous rage, don't try to deny it, Sweetie. Yes you play it off as annoyed, you always will.

I wasn't sure if I should even bother writing this entry, really we only had a few minutes together, but then. I cherish every one of them. Really it would be mean to myself when I get old and gray to not write this one down because I want to remember every moment I was ever with you. Will you get old and gray too? I mean I figure that eventually you will regenerate, but do me a favor and try to look a little older with me, I would hate to look like a cradle robber.

Until then,

Spoilers.


	11. Entry 11

Hey guys! Time for Demon's Run! Enjoy!

Hello Sweetie,

You just gave me the most wonderful birthday present, Stevie Wonder sang to us and we skated along the River Thames in 1814, it was divine and the last of the great Frost Fairs. Then dad turns up in a silly Roman uniform with the worst news of Demon's Run. Oh dear, I couldn't bear to be there with you until the very end. I couldn't have you find out who I am and LOOK at me the way that you do. Like you're so sad but yet so happy. I hate how much I love that look of yours. So I waited until the final moment. I waited until I as a baby was taken away. I waited until you were at your lowest point, so you knew that little Melody Pond would turn out all right. And I know now that I do not blame you for what has happened to me, as I did when I was with the sisters.

You claim to not be a good man. Until the day that you die Sweetie, you will always be claiming that you are not a good man. And that you have so many rules because of this. But I know, as long as you still care and you go around saving the universe—you are not a good man. You are a great man. Someday I hope you can forgive me for lying to you for so long. You didn't think you were the only one who could lie did you, my love? I hated how utterly broken you looked, but also how angry. You had to be told off, you had to see how hard and cold you had become. The look of joy on your face, when you finally knew, it made me so happy to see you so happy. And that you finally trusted me enough to get your friends home and safe. It felt like the first time you truly trusted me. I'm sorry for putting you through this, but it did have to happen, like the poem:

Demon's Run

where a good man goes to war.

Night will fall and drown the sun

when a good man goes to war.

Friendship dies and true love lies.

Night will fall and the dark will rise

when a good man goes to war.

Demons run but count the cost

The battle's won, but the child's lost.

It is yet another poem about us, about you really. It's not nearly as great as your good wizard stories, but to me, it means so much more.

Until then,

Spoilers.


	12. Entry 12

Hey guys! This was a fun episode to write from River's point of view. Please read and review!

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Hello sweetie,

God just when I think that we're getting better, I get an invite to Utah, 2010 and I get to watch myself kill you again. It was bad enough doing it, apparently watching is worse. When we compared diaries you finally knew so much, as I knew you would. You were to die after all. I felt like I knew you better than ever before. You lied to me Doctor, I shouldn't be surprised, but older you, the one that loves me too lied to the young girl afraid to kill you. I did remember, and it was awful.

I hated you for a few seconds when you weren't dead. Slapping helped. It always helps. Of course I had to be the good time traveler and explain the works of interacting with yourself and how awful the consequences would be if he were told of his death.

You hurt me a lot, I'm going to make sure you pay later for the cold not trusting me speech. You didn't know me of course, but I can still place the blame there can't I? Especially because you just trusted me so much at Demon's run, the last time I met you.

You get ever so cross when I can pilot the TARDIS better than you can. I love it. And you are ever such a flirt. Mrs. Robinson? Really you bad boy you. You can go around commanding the most powerful man in the world like it's nothing, and you think that you aren't great. I assure you that you're always wrong about that.

He's clever when he's hot face… I'm still laughing about that. You like to be so suave and clever all the time. And I completely fall for it. Of course I can make you blush too, I am a screamer after all. The silence is a horrifying enemy. Forgotten as soon as you look away? Even you were fooled by them dear.

I confessed a lot to Rory, my father, about you and I. I told him my fears of you not knowing who I am. It will be so painful, but I can't run from time, no matter how much you like to think that we all can. It felt good to confess something like that to someone other than my diary, though it is a lovely present dear. You should know, that a book can never beat talking to another about your problems.

We then had to save Canton, and we all went "on the run" for three months. Oh I did love jumping off of a building and into your pool. We should really do that more often.

It was difficult going back to my old orphanage again, I grew up there and for everyone's sake, I had to pretend like I never saw it before. Like I didn't know how it felt to be the little girl inside the scary spacesuit and not being able to control myself.

It is always so difficult to lie to you. I hope you know that. But it is part of the job, that of being your wife that is, not just being a time traveler. There are times when you know so much, and others when you know so little, it's so difficult to pretend to be less friendly with you, or to go from flirty and slightly cold to opening up and letting you see my soul. No that's silly, you can always, always see my soul, not matter what.

You honest to god flirted with me, it was wonderful. So early in your timeline yet you were playing with me just as much as I was playing with you. I really couldn't handle it. I would have passed up the opportunity to kill all of the Silence if you would keep flirting with me like that. Alright maybe not, but it would have been a moments consideration. That was far too much fun killing them, I really don't get the opportunity to do it enough. Flying the TARDIS as well, but that's a different story.

Today was our first kiss for you. I'm sorry for that. I honestly thought that we had before, but you dear were acting like an awkward teenage boy. I would have loved it except for the fact that I don't know if it will be the last one. I can only pray that it's not. I have to believe that it isn't.

Until then,

Spoilers.


	13. Entry 13

Now it's time for the Pandorica and fun things with it! Enjoy guys!

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Hello Sweetie,

Well this was quite the adventure. I started off just minding my own business in Stormcage when I get a call from your good friend Winston. He tells me of the Van Gogh and how you must see it. So I lovingly break out of prison for you by kissing the young guard (hope you don't mind) just so I can do more illegal things on your behalf. And by the way, I got the best new present! A vortex manipulator! Happy birthday to me! Yes I had to threaten some of your friends, but I figured you wouldn't mind if it was for the greater good!

You were a tad mad that I "graffittied" the oldest cliffface in the universe, but I had to get your attention somehow! Do you still love roleplaying as I do? Yes I do have some bitter memories about Cleoptara, but there is no better way to get rid of them then making better ones.

I had hoped for the best, that Vincent was just being mad as usual, but it was a warning and I had to follow it. But the pandorica? That was supposed to be a myth. Well I should know better with you, you're always the good wizards of myths, why shouldn't everything else about them be real too?

Also you should really teach mum better rules of time travel, I haven't an idea what this Byzantium is, but she could have spoiled something big, and you know how I feel about spoilers (when I'm not the one telling them that is.)

But the pandorica was a real thing, and holds the greatest evil in the universe, you. And everyone in the universe was racing to put you in there. It was an awful feeling. All of those starship coming for the pandorica, and coming for you. I had to do anything to stop them, I knew that I would. I wanted you to run so badly. But of course you refused. You will never ever run when others are in danger. I convinced the Romans to help you, you're welcome by the way. (Really I just love making "Big important" men fear me, but you of all people should know that)

I was shocked that you let me fly the TARDIS on my own too. Really I was very proud, you seemed to almost trust me, which is refreshing after our last adventure. And during that whole big speech of yours, I was wearing the "he's hot when he's clever" face. Just thought you should know.

Then the old girl started misbehaving, and surprisingly that wasn't me. I couldn't fly her over to you, but to Amy's house. She and I normally have an understanding, but that wasn't the case now. I took her word that there was a reason for being there and it was, thanks to her I knew that this was a trap. A very bad trap.

And then the engines blew. And I was powerless to do anything about the old girl blowing up completely, I had no control over it. I'm so sorry that I couldn't do as you asked. I couldn't land the TARDIS properly. If I did I might have been able to stop all of this. The doors wouldn't open and when they did, I was trapped in, and I let you down. It was an awful, awful feeling. I will always hate letting you down, I never want to disappoint you ever. I'm sorry my love.

It was barely a second later that you rescued me and brought me back to Earth. Apparently it was for roughly 2000 years, but luck me the old girl managed to time lock so I wouldn't die, and really so we wouldn't be doomed. You're welcome.

I'm not going to even mention the fez. You will never get another one, I promise. I had to pretend like I didn't even recognize my father, not even mentioning the fact that I had to pretend that he wasn't my father too.

Damn that Dalek for shooting you, I would have certainly made a comment about a big bang 2 if you didn't disappear. Thank God I got to shoot it though. And thank god you weren't there to see it, you'd be ever so cross.

You tried to ask who I was again, and I really hated not saying it. You would have died never knowing how much I loved you. You would never had known all of the pain I caused you, but also all of the joy. I did want to kiss you, but after last time, I figured that it was best for us to not deal with you not ever kissing me before, or ever doing much more. It killed me to know that you didn't know me. But I had to move on and be happy with the memories that we had.

You clever boy, you think you're so smart with your Geronimo and knowing exactly how to be brought back, and telling me about it. Like I said, I hated lying to my parents but this was the least of all my lying.

My diary was blank and it was really troubling. I remembered you, thank god, but nothing was written in it. So I figured it was safe to give to Amy and make her remember you. If she could bring back her Roman, then she could surely bring you back. Mum is amazing.

You at the wedding just made me think of Calverion Beta. And finally after all of this time, you actually proposed to me. It wasn't exactly the way I would have liked, it should have been flashier and more extravagant, but it was exactly the way you would do it. So naturally it was perfect. I knew soon enough that you would find everything out about me, demon's run and all of that. I know there will be a lot of heartache, on all parts. I can just pray you'll be able to move on and become at peace again.

Until then,

Spoilers

PS I hope you don't mind, but I left the vortex manipulator in my cell in Stormcage on the first night, after all, how's a girl supposed to travel?


	14. Entry 14

Alright, this is my last original event, based off of a throw-away diary comparison from the Silence in the Library. I was wondering if I should write the library, just because it doesn't seem very River to write it while the adventure is going on, but she can't really do it after. Let me know what you think!

* * *

Hello Sweetie,

Well nothing like some impending doom to make you reevaluate your life. Of course it wasn't even our doom. Which honestly might frighten me even more.

Tonight was supposed to be a rather simple evening out with my husband. You would whisk me away and I might finally wear that stupid dress of yours. (Though I probably wouldn't have anyways) Then all of the sudden something in the old girl explodes and we go through yet another crash landing. This time it was Earth, 4392, right in the middle of the great world war. The one fought against aliens, not those silly ones between humans in the 20th century.

Doctor it was awful. We just landed at one of the bloodiest battles in all of human history, the bone meadow, named because that was all you could see under the open sky. Just bones everywhere.

I've seen my fair share of horrible grotesque events, its just going to happen when you're a time travelling archaeologist. But only when they've been dead for a few hundred years have I seen so many pale white bones lying about. I honestly can't remember at the moment who they were fighting or who even won in the end. All I know is that life is so very fragile, and I hate having to be reminded of that.

You ran without a second thought. We were barely five steps outside the TARDIS, plenty to get a good look. But not nearly enough to meet people or begin to get invested in their problems. I would have put on a brave face if you wanted to continue on, because knowing your Sexy, she had a reason for bringing us there. You did such an un-you thing and turned us right back around as soon as you looked at me. I don't know if I should be thankful for that or guilty. I hate making you do things that you don't want to do.

When I'm with you, it's so easy to pretend that I am a Time Lady, that we are one and the same. But today just reminded me how painfully human I am. And how this is the last me you'll ever see. I get maybe 50 years, while you'll live on forever.

My love if you could do just one thing for me, don't let me grow old. I've honestly thought about it and I don't want to ever get too fragile to travel with you. I would rather die saving worlds or taking a laser than on my bed at Stormcage. I pray that never ever happens. And I pray that you can make this come true.

Until then,

Spoilers


	15. Entry 15

Hello Sweetie,

Oh I always manage to forget how much fun it is playing with a younger you. Of course it's bitter and heartbreaking too, but I try not to dwell on that and instead work on making you blush. (Not that I have to try that hard.)

I accepted a mission that if pulled off successfully, could have me pardoned from prison. Can you imagine it, Sweetie? Dr. River Song, a free woman. I could do whatever I liked. I could do whomever I liked. The mission wasn't supposed to be that complicated. We just had to investigate the crash of the Byzantium, a liner that went down mysteriously. Naturally I had to bring you along, because who's better at investigating than you? I decided to deface yet another priceless object, because I think I've found that that's how I can get your attention the best.

So I used the black box from the ship, after all, two things always end up in museums: that box and you. It's a good way for you to keep score.

I'm not going to lie, today hurt a lot. You hadn't ever caught me from falling into the old girl, and you didn't know that I could fly her either. Although you were rather adorable when you were protesting my turning her stabilizers on. (Blue boringers as you like to call them.) We know that something on the ship made it crash, I just didn't know how dangerous it would end up being. I'm going to be a professor? That's very exciting. It's definitely a good thought, what else am I going to do with my time waiting for you? But that just proves how young you really are. At least you knew enough to not look in the diary.

I had hoped that we didn't have to come to this, but the Weeping Angels were at the middle of the ship. I hate how stupid rich people are, they think the Angels are just collectables, and then they die horribly.

Mum guessed our relationship after barely an hour with us, yet you still have no idea. Then we walked right into their trap, I know we both felt fairly stupid. But you and I knew how to get out, or at least I knew you knew. You were clever with your artificial gravity solution and powering us through the actual ship. I knew Amy wouldn't die there, only because she mentioned it when we were at the Pandorica. Still it didn't help just thinking that something might happen regardless of what I knew, like she would become an Angel. Sorry about calling you a mad man, but we both know its true. I couldn't say anything about the crack, I just knew if we ran from it and the Angels didn't, they would be lost from time. Of course it's the exact thing they wanted that would kill them, I just love that.

You could have learned some horrible things about me, you know I killed someone, you just don't know that it was you. But I was a bad girl, I gave a spoiler about the Pandorica. Speaking of being a bad girl though, I had to tell Amy how you were still alive after I "killed" you. It was nice seeing her so happy. Hopefully she'll be happy the next time I see her too.

Until then,

Spoilers


	16. Entry 16

Oh god, not going to lie, but this was one of the hardest to write. I will always cry at The Angels Take Manhattan, and that was just watching it, not even getting into River's head. Well, here it is.

* * *

Hello Sweetie,

God I don't even know where to begin. I finally got you to sleep, but it wasn't easy. There was so much crying, from both of us. So much pain. All of the hurt and sadness in your eyes finally came out. Why must you always try to bottle your feelings always? I can't bear to see you hurt and thankfully you knew me well enough to let me in. It seems like nowadays I'm one of the few to actually know you though, sweetie. Someone's been busy.

Anyways, the actual events of the journal. As you know I was pardoned, being that no one could prove I ever killed anyone, because he didn't exist. Was that the first step to erasing yourself? So much for my work with the church, although I'll always take the opportunity to make a young you all flustered. I appreciate the freedom, especially because I'm able to teach now, at the same University that I got my degree. But I couldn't just teach, my word how boring would that be?

So I came to investigate some reports of moving statues in New York in the 1930s, how exciting does that sound? There I started dealing with a mob boss who was quite the collector. I love having the freedom to do things like this now. I guess it's what you feel like all the time.

No, not all the time. I can tell right now you feel you don't have much freedom to do anything at all.

I keep digressing, but I just don't know how to handle you like this, my love. Happy and flirty? No problem. Bitter and short tempered? A simple breeze. Angry and infuriated with me? Makes the sex even better. But so defeated and sad? I feel as if I'm not even holding you right. One wrong move and you could go spiraling into the chaos of your mind, with no hope for salvation.

I was proud of your for thinking of the "landing lights" as you liked to call the vase. You are such a clever, clever boy. Yowzah. Sometimes you can be such a teenage boy. But my teenage boy, and more importantly my teenage boy who will always come to my rescue. And my father's I guess being that that was the reason you came in the first place. (And don't even think for one second that I didn't notice your hair combed into place and your bowtie straightened when you first swaggered in the room.)

I'm not going to lie, I was a little hurt because you wanted to break my wrist before the Angel's, but I shouldn't be surprised should I? you think I can take anything, then you'll deal with me after, healing me when we're alone.

Then that look of rage, of reading the last chapter title. You wouldn't tell me what it was, but I can imagine it had something to do with mum. You learned that you couldn't save her and that killed you inside, so you tried to shut me out. Then you told me to change the future and I couldn't. It was better that you didn't see me break my wrist, or worse do it for me. Even if you didn't see the chapter title, I think I would have made you leave the room, just so you didn't see me in pain.

But you were proud of me. I got out without breaking my wrist and I gave you hope, I felt guilty about that, but honestly love you gave me no choice. I had to lie, and that was the first time that night your haughty exterior started to crack. I meant what I said, I've been hiding things like that from you for a long time. There is a lot more blood on these pages than you've ever seen from me, and I plan to keep it that way. Both in the literally and figurative senses, emotional and physical.

How dare you try to heal me. You shouldn't waste regeneration energies on a half time lady like me. You shouldn't waste them on me period. But that only proves how you love me, even when you don't say it. You did deserve the slap for being stupid and sentimental. But then, you always need a good slap every now and then.

It killed me. It absolutely killed me watching my parents fall off that building. I didn't my damnedest to not let it show, but I've been crying plenty while you're sleeping. Mum used my words, and I know you blamed me in that moment. You blamed me for giving her the idea, you blamed me for writing the book, you blamed me for being there when Amy first met the weeping angels. But then you reached for my hand when the world started dissolving around us, and I knew that no amount of blame could keep you from loving me. And I needed that to get through what's to come next.

You hate endings—more than anything I think. So when Dad got sent back in time by the one stupid angel that managed to survive, you would have done anything to keep Mum with us. Sometimes I think you would have rather me go than her. But while you hate endings, I hate making love end. So I told Amy the truth when you couldn't. I told her that she would get to live out her life with my father if she too let the angel touch her.

Once more I didn't feel anything in that moment. Not when you were hurting so badly. You needed me to be a rock for you. I can mourn on my own time. This was one of the few times I think that you're actually thankful that I can fly the TARDIS, you were in no condition to be with her like that. You even tried to help me along, my poor boy. But my hurt would have just hurt you more in the long run, and I couldn't bear that. You will always come first to me.

I did exactly what you told me to for once, and I'm going to write the book as soon as I'm done with this entry. Really it wasn't that hard, no worse than all of my diary entries. But I would have done almost anything you asked, I hate seeing you in such a state. It will end, and you will heal I promise. And I promise to not leave you until you do. You might not think you've healed, but I can see you so much better than you've ever been able to see yourself. Your eyes, those sad and so impossibly old eyes will get better, I promise you. But for now, I'll travel with you wherever and whenever you like. Because I love you sweetie, always and completely.

Until then,

Spoilers


End file.
